The thing about emotions

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about emotions and how heavily they can impact my performance — more accurately, how I address them is what matters. Like most people, I’m still working on controlling or regulating my emotions in different situations, but I never want to detach from them entirely. Some of my best moments demanded great emotional control, and many others also came from “letting go,” allowing my emotions to carry me.

I have always heard high performers talk about how important it is for us to control our emotions — performance coach Tim Grover, for example, has said that the minds of all the greats like Michael Jordan are always stronger than their feelings. On my first podcast episode, we discussed how a former business mentor would emphasize that, as emotion goes up, intelligence goes down. This can be true for both interpersonal communication and in physically dangerous situations.

In college, my classmates and I needed to translate a text that eventually stuck with me; it was a story of a priest who had counseled hundreds of married couples and wanted to share the key factor that he believed makes marriages last: avoiding saying hurtful things. According to this priest, hurtful statements made in a moment of anger or frustration can cause irreparable damage. Similarly, I’ve heard business experts emphasize that responses in a business setting rarely need to be made within 24 hours, and if you feel yourself getting heated or overly emotional in any way, it’s better to avoid communication with everyone and readdress a situation after you’ve returned to a steadier state. By the same token, potentially life-threatening incidents in the physical realm demand emotional regulation.

While motorcycle riding, skydiving, or scuba diving, the ability to follow emergency procedures when stressed or fearful is imperative. If practiced correctly and often, most of these procedures become second nature during training. Skydivers, for example, will often touch their parachute handles both on the ground and in the plane in the specific order they are to be used; “the cutaway” handle first, then “the reserve” second…pulling these in the reverse order can be fatal.

Actions that need to be made within fractions of a second must become muscle memory through repetition, and automatic habits help bypass any emotional reaction that would be unideal. Checklists, procedures, and calculated actions are necessary in physically threatening environments, and seeing things too subjectively in moments like a business negotiation or conversation with your partner can also be detrimental. However, there are times when emotions become necessary for high performance.

Emotional fitness is a term I’ve been saying to myself in place of emotional control because we don’t want to suppress emotions long-term. It’s important to note, however, that avoiding suppression is not just for the benefit of long-term psychological wellbeing. It can be therapeutic to express oneself and “let out” emotions, yes, but there are many situations where emotions are the very catalysts for success and not just elements we must deal with for the sake of mental health.

Attaching emotions to individual lessons helps expedite and solidify learning — I discussed this in my last podcast (episode 3) in the context of language learning, but I feel it’s true for all types of learning. It’s no coincidence that our reading comprehension improves when reading something that we care about, as we’re emotionally invested. If I’m having trouble grasping something, I try to make it more unique and personal to me from an emotional standpoint — this is why storytelling is more powerful than just stating facts.

Referring again to the dangerous activities that demand “emotionless” actions in emergencies, it’s worth noting that most people would probably never engage in these activities if they weren’t emotionally stimulated by them in the first place.

I believe that emotions can be indicators of passion and is thus partially what make life worth living. The highs cannot exist without the lows, and life can seem meaningless without the possibility and pursuit of better highs. Even when someone claims to be in search for solely objective meaning and purpose, their momentum wouldn’t be ignited without a strong emotional stimulus. If we don’t pay attention to how we’re feeling, we might miss a golden idea or sign of something we’re uniquely driven by.

We must regulate our emotions, but we also need to be in touch with them to be successful.